Plan C

I basically spend all my free time speculating as to what Hillary’s endgame might be. I’m not seeing the graceful exit. So the next most optimistic scenario is that she’s got to keep up the fighting to raise money so she can pay off her considerable campaign debts. Then there’s the possibility that she’s just plan delusional. I’ve had a lot of conversations that have pretty much ended on that note or known from now on as The Sunset Blvd Theory. It’s painful to watch but I think we need to brace ourselves.

link thanks to andrew sullivan

Grab Yourself a Cold One, Drink It, Dry It, and Display It

I am posting this with some reluctance. I don’t want to get marginalized as the beer can guy.

In college I had a history professor who lectured in a Mid-Atlantic accent to demonstrate to us generally hung over undergraduate students in our plumage of berets, motorcycle boots, scarves, witty t-shirts, and artfully ripped jeans (piercings and tattoos were still some years off) his vast storehouse of knowledge.

He taught 19 century European history and would natter on about the industrial revolution in Germany and the Luddites in England. Amidst his white noise, though, he did say one thing that stayed with me. He talked about scholars who might focus on a very narrow field of inquiry, such as slag heaps in Sheffield, 1856-1871. In the development of this specific seam of knowledge to produce a larger view of things they also created a prism through which to view and manage their own lives. Which, of course, brings us back to beer cans.

Please to meet Greg Stinsa whom I suspect is the pre-eminent beer can collector of his day.

Mr. Stinsa has created a site to display his impressive collection of beer cans through the ages with an accompanying glossary and FAQ. He will also pay top dollar for your beer cans. Of particular note is his classification for grading beer cans, a taxonomy that would make an entomologist nod in approval.

He writes that he is happily married to his wife “and beer can collecting partner.” I collected beer cans when I was kid in Kettering, Ohio and even I knew without ever having kissed a girl that discussing your collection and your top 10 beer can wish list was a poor route to go with girls. Mrs. Stinsa sounds like a stand-up lady to me.

Mr. Stinsa is no hobbyist. In the hunt for a high quality cone top, the rara avis of beer cans, he has made a life.

Now, I encourage you to take a moment to enjoy his slide show tribute to beer cans (don’t cheat yourself: turn up the volume).

OK, no more beer can posts for awhile.

Image via

Erudite Ladies, Hermaphrodite Ladies

FOTC is not yet back on, but this music video/song off their self-titled album hit youtube 2 days ago.

Retro rollerskatin man bits, just in time for summer.

Time to Man Up

Although I am an ardent Barack Obama supporter, I remain unconvinced of his credentials in one vital area: If elected president, can he put forth a family relation (he has numerous half siblings) who will reliably commit gaffes that can be publicly chronicled.

When we have a new president, we have been conditioned to expect, besides “change,” that he will bring in the family nitwit trailing in his wake. This imbecile is designated to trade off the family name as a front man for, say, dubious land schemes.

Richard Nixon had his brother Donald who rubbed elbows with embezzlers and clinically insane plutocrats to get his greasy nickels and dimes. On the other side of the aisle, Jimmy Carter had his brother Billy who was reputed to read a book a day. Billy did more than just lead the contemplative life, though. He found the time to launch Billy Beer—widely reviled as the worst beer ever—and become a registered foreign agent for the Libyan government.

Hillary Clinton, setting aside for a moment her general odiousness these days and her pointed white hat, at least has established her bona fides in this area. She has her brother Hugh.

Hugh embraced his role as a de facto sibling during the Clinton administration and entered into a problematic hazelnut deal with the Republic of Georgia and lobbied strenuously and lucratively to obtain a pardon for a convicted drug trafficker in the waning days of Bill’s presidency.

At the end of day, I take consolation in Barack Obama’s large extended family. Although no one has emerged yet, I am confident that when Senator Obama becomes president, one of them will emerge as a shill for a trout farm in Turkmenistan.

Image via

OMG! This is Very Moving

Make sure to stick with it ’cause it becomes really God-Tastic! Thanks to Coudal

What You Must Do

Buy these for me. Size 12. Overnight delivery. thx.

Woody Allen Goes Softcore in Spain

His upcoming film, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, is about hot people making out, and Penelope Cruz is a crazy painter with a gun.

I’m So Ugly, That’s Okay Cause So Are You

I don’t have it in me to make a fun cultural comment in a world gone mad today, so instead I’m kicking off a new feature, FREE CULTURE COVERS.

This Tuesday’s cover is Lithium with Sock Puppets.

Polyphonic Spree covering Nirvana, video uploaded by youtube user xtianITP.

But The Struggle Is Not Yet Over

An instinctual urge forced me to upload this:

 

How To Disappear Completely

Radiohead began their tour to promote their 2008 album “In Rainbows” last week in West Palm Beach, FL. It continues through May, goes to Europe for June and July, and returns for more dates in the U.S. in August. Trolling for live Radiohead material on You Tube is a fun hobby. And I’ve found the best live version of the hypnotic “How to Disappear Completely” so you don’t have to.

Happy Mothers Day

[John Roberts]

Countdown to Manson Family Reunion

If you’re a follower an interested observer of the Manson Family, these are exciting times indeed. News from the California desert is that the Manson Family might have murdered other people at the Barker Ranch in the final weeks before they were caught.

The alleged victims were likely individuals drawn into the ambit of the family who did not quite fit in. Rather than getting voted off the ranch, they were invited to take a walk with Charles Manson to get some night air.

Digging at the Barker Ranch is expected to start on May 20.

Not surprisingly former Manson Family members still in prison (Steve Grogan AKA Clem AKA Scramblehead who had a role in the murder of Shorty Shea is the only member to be released) who nurse some hope of getting out before they need diapers are understandably uneasy.

Charles “Tex” Watson who became a born again Christian in the 1970s and founded a prison ministry is particularly uptight. Although he has virtually no chance of being released, it would be a little unseemly for a preacher man who has presumably come clean and hopes to run free again in the afterlife to be implicated in additional murders. He has a posted a cautiously statement worded denying any involvement.

Interestingly, Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme, who, at least until recently, is one of only a handful of Manson adherents to stay true, has apparently offered to help authorities.

In the movie “Helter Skelter,” Charles Manson, as played by the great Steve Railsback (who must of have gotten pigeon-holed because he went on play Ed Gein in a movie of an even more prolific killer) elucidates his worldview that drew in the braless former prom queens and high school class officers. At the end of day whether you’re a politician or a grubby madman, it’s all about effective salesmanship. Manson was a closer.

photo via

Hillary’s Freudian Slip

“Hurry up and finish them shots, Hillary! Klan meetin’ starts in ten minutes!”

Let’s be honest. She’s been pushing this “Choose ME not HIM, my white brothers!” thing for a while. Her horrendous comments were more of a Freudian slip than anything else.

Let’s examine a few tactics:

First of all, I would argue that Senator Clinton set the foundation for this race-centered approach when she brazenly stated that Obama, who was raised on food stamps by a single mom, is elitist: she meant to use any device possible to not just undermine him, but to make him as DIFFERENT from white working class voters as possible. She wanted to prevent his hopeful “I’m the Change candidate” platform from reaching and inspiring a voting bloc that probably needs change more than most. She was hoping that this could tap into a lot of the racist divisiveness/resentment/fear that already exist, on the heels of the Wright coverage. I’ll get back to that in a second from a historical perspective. I swear, this’ll be really good. It’s Saturday, keep reading.

[Side note: As for the elitist thing, THANKS A LOT for "BITTERGATE," OFFTHEBUS! Ariana ought to kick all of you off the Huffington Post, especially Jay Rosen, who mostly seems to be chasing fame and prestige, constantly trying to tout OFFTHEBUS as somehow innovative and insightful, "breaking" important stories. As for you, Mayhill Fowler, I'm not framing you as an enemy to the cause, just a dull writer who uses the passive voice too much and made a cheaply motivated journalistic decision. I just can't believe you phrased Obama's comments in the way you did-- considering the profound truths he was speaking to in his remarks-- and I have no idea what "uncharted territory" any of you think you're covering, beyond dredging up something controversial to write that will somehow separate you from the rest of the ubiquitous blogosphere that's been practicing "citizen journalism" for a decade, often feeding stories into mainstream news media for the purposes of distortion. Wake the fuck up please, nothing new here.]

Back to Clinton race tactics: then there was the moment on Fox, quoted by the NYT, where she emphasized the white prez Johnson’s essential role in actually realizing Dr. King’s “dream,” as if black people are the inspirational ones who dream, and white people are the ones who get elected and accomplish things.

Not to mention all the shot-taking, beer guzzling, the commercial featuring Pearl Harbor (she knows the oldies love her), bin Laden, war, terrorism, Truman… fear-mongering, pandering to a certain white, working class voting bloc, etc.

And now for something deep:

Though I’m sure Senator Clinton isn’t aware of it, she’s participating in a very American historical tradition: using race to divide working class whites and black people, in order to prevent grassroots movements for change and equality (usually ones that the middle and upper class cannot control). This is a tradition begun in the colonies with slavery, when racist dogma was essential to keeping the rich elite in power and preventing revolts between miserable, starving, poor whites and miserable, starving, overworked slaves. That racist legacy has haunted and controlled our country’s history from the very beginning. And, as Hillary shows us, we haven’t come as far as we’d like to think.

While Obama is a presidential candidate and cannot be compared to an activist, certainly not a potential revolutionary threatening the social order, he IS a potential threat to Hillary, and therefore needs to be “kept down” by racism. Thus the analogy is an apt one, because Hillary is participating in this discourse in an unforgivable way. If she actually gave one shit about the American people, she’d be trying to unite working class whites with working class blacks, not to divide them for the sake of her own personal gain. Politics are politics, but this is honestly sickening. Obama may be a politician too, and all politicians rely on cold tactics, but I think it’s clear that he is a different sort of candidate than Hillary. Any cognizant Democrat who’s supported Hillary thus far should be too embarrassed to speak.

I’m Just Sayin’

Sorry about all the Hitler posts. But I think there’s something in the air.

What’s Your Favorite Hitler Music Video?

This one’s very serious:

This one, from a German TV show, is funny and gay.

Campaign Ringtones From Slate

If you thought your cutting edge polyphonic pop song rings and futuristic jangles made you the edgiest one at the office, you’ll be all over these political sound bites for your celly courtesy of Slate.

You can choose from Obama’s hopeful slogan, Hillary’s maniacal laugh, John “Live From The Nursing Home” McCain losing his temper at a Town Hall event, etc. Click Slate link above for instructions on how to download tones for your phone or just listen here (sound bite links appropriately re-titled by me):

Clinton’s Mad Scientist Laugh

McCain Is a Scary A-Hole

Hillary Sounds Like Enraged Nun About to Slap You With Ruler

We Are Not Your Friends, War Man

Mr. Charisma

[Picture from Chicago Tribute Photo Gallery]

Now She Can’t Claim the White Muppet Vote

via my hero andrewsullivan

Park Slope to Darren Star: Please Find Different Neighborhood to Taint with Your Hack Network Show About Yuppies

Look, Darren. Let’s just get something straight.

When Sex And The City made Manhattan into a glittery, all-white colony of the rich, navigated by a cloyingly insecure, materialistic, narrowly introspective sex writer with fabulous shoes, we all drank it up with a grain of salt (salt in this case being an overwhelming dose of good old-fashioned, status quo-enforcing, socioeconomic myopia… oh whatever.) Carrie proved herself to be a pretty shitty role model for women every time she “got to thinking,” which makes the pleasureability of the show all the more sinister, but the show did touch on a lot of ubiquitous relationship stuff, had great clothes in it, was often very funny, and if you happen to not be a rich white woman, well, tough luck! Your life story won’t make the network any money! Don’t be a Bitter Betty!

Manhattan is fair game for that. I mean, think about “Friends,” every romantic comedy shot in SoHo, etc etc. But Brooklyn still has a different legacy. I think of Spike Lee’s Do The Right Thing and She’s Gotta Have It, Saturday Night Fever, Dog Day Afternoon, Goodfellas, most recently The Squid and the Whale.

Yeah, Park Slope is full of yuppies and designer strollers and faux-hipsters and rich bobos and plenty of opportunities to Darren Starify the neighborhood. But we’re clinging to authenticity among outrageous gentrification, independent store owners losing leases, celebrities moving here to raise their chic-ly dressed toddlers, condos thrown up overnight in Gowanus. We don’t need anything helping it along. You’re gonna come here with your film crews and clog up the block and take over. Turn Park Slope into the faux-hood of grown-up Carrie Bradshaws. Make the Slope seem like it’s populated ENTIRELY by affluent, self-absorbed, fabulously dressed bourgeois breeders. It’s gonna suck.

That’s it. I’m going to get together a crew of old-timers and lesbians and meet you at the production site with burning pitchforks. I’ll round them up outside the Park Slope Food Co-op, stop at Tasti Delite for a vanilla cone with sprinkles and we’ll be ready to kick your ass.

But I don’t want to fight, Darren. So consider a different place. Staten Island perhaps? You can call it Sex and the Ferry!

The neglected borough is starving for attention. And they have a zoo! And the borough president is really into playgrounds! Trust me, you are gonna LOVE it there.

[CALL IT 'SLOPE IN THE CITY' - New York Post]

Happy Early Father’s Day

Umm, isn’t the whole point main reason for having a blog so that when you come across ManBabies.com you don’t have to email all your dad friends, you can just put it up? So, in case it’s not obvious, this is just one of many pictures where the father and son’s heads have been swapped. Link thanks to neatorama.com

Shuck Dat Corn Before You Eat

Taking a break from all of the presidential campaign excitement, I want to talk about…corn.

Last night I attended a packed screening of the documentary King Corn, in which two guys from Boston set out for Iowa to grow an acre of corn. Along the way, they talk to doctors, corporate corn syrup manufacturing representatives, agronomists, cattle ranchers, and, of course, corn farmers, and uncover a ton of unsettling facts about industrial farming, and how it impacts what we buy and eat.

The film is enlightening, to put it lightly. As fans of the Omnivore’s Dilemma (*side note: Michael Pollan was an early advisor for King Corn) may have already discovered: our food chain has changed for the worse over the past 30 years, impacting our health, our economy, and the American farmer. The two filmmakers grow an acre of nearly inedible commodity corn destined to become stock for corn syrup, which they learn may be partially responsible for the fact that young Americans today may have a shorter lifespan than that of their parents. (The Accidental Hedonist has a great list of products containing high fructose corn syrup here.)

This week, Congress is debating H.R. 2419, also known as the Farm, Nutrition, and Bioenergy Act of 2007, or simply, the Farm Bill. As it is currently written, the bill (which Bush has threatened to veto) would cut direct farm payments by $313 million, reduce crop insurance funds by $5.75 billion over 10 years, and deny direct payments and stewardship payments to operators with more than $500,000 AGI from off-farm sources. All of this would mean the closest thing to agricultural reform our country has seen in 30 years.

King Corn filmmaker Ian Cheney spoke after the screening about the Farm Bill and how they hope their film has shed some light on the largely hidden reality that is industrial farming.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed…

Caller: All dem purty gals will be dar,
Chorus: Shuck dat corn before you eat.

Caller: They will fix it for us rare,
Chorus: Shuck dat corn before you eat.

Caller: I know dat supper will be big,
Chorus: Shuck dat corn before you eat.

Caller: I think I smell a fine roast pig,
Chorus: Shuck dat corn before you eat.

Caller: I hope dey’ll have some whisky* dar,
Chorus: Shuck dat corn before you eat.

Caller: I think I’ll fill my pockets full,
Chorus: Shuck dat corn before you eat.